Lost Freedom
Yesterday I stayed up too late. Yeah, it wasn't such a good idea. The trap I get into is looking to suck some joy out of my day by staying up and doing things like watching movies or playing video games. I was watching a Chinese movie with the excuse that I was studying. But honestly, studying and watching a movie are not the same. They talk way too fast for me right now and the subtitles didn't exactly match up.
The whole day was basically spent 'studying Chinese'. I wanted to exercise more, but I started feeling sick and I'm scared that it was from a coffee overload. I started the year so well by quitting coffee, but then somehow I heard that coffee is actually good for you. Unfortunately, I think I have a problem with caffeine. Or rather, I think I'm in a position where it could become a problem, but it has never gone that far.
After spending the whole day inside I went out for a bike ride and realized what a wonderful day I was missing. I didn't have anything to do so I went to return something to the library. I saw my Japanese friend while I was there. We spent a few minutes trying to talk, but not having anything to talk about. He invited me to hot pot on Saturday. It was a somewhat sour feeling, because I remember he invited me once before when I was a we and perhaps a little more happy. Anyway, when the depression lurks a little closer I can then remember that good thought.
Finally, today happened. It was my first day at my new job. It's a little hard for me to believe I actually took this job, because I feel like I'm at the lowest part of the low-end. Did the guy who hired me realize that I'll quit at any second? It seems like everyone working there will only last a few months tops. I have to wonder though, when I work this full time job will I lose my energy to pursue my dreams? Well, I could have been lazy tonight and not written about my day, but look. Here I am! Writing! I have the feeling that maybe my writing isn't as good as it was before, but my previous writing was a caffeine-induced mess I'm sure. To write before I go to bed is a long-lost tradition for me. My brain is too tired to think of anything cleaver, but perhaps I'm being more honest when I do it like this.
After work I went to see my mom. She was angry with me a little. I didn't see what the point of spoiling our time together would accomplish. All in all it was a nice time. There was free quality pizza and some rhubarb pie. Seeing my brother and his girlfriend together was a little bit disturbing. I went and talked to my old kungfu teacher. I think there will be more of that later. Now I'm at home and distracted by a friend that's over. They are drunk and talking. I would be wise to not be trapped into their conversation. Oh man, I just turned around and said something to them after I typed that. Well, I did some writing. I guess that's all I was going for. And although I've been somewhat distracted, especially here towards the end, I'm only three minutes away from the allotted time for this. YEA!
The whole day was basically spent 'studying Chinese'. I wanted to exercise more, but I started feeling sick and I'm scared that it was from a coffee overload. I started the year so well by quitting coffee, but then somehow I heard that coffee is actually good for you. Unfortunately, I think I have a problem with caffeine. Or rather, I think I'm in a position where it could become a problem, but it has never gone that far.
After spending the whole day inside I went out for a bike ride and realized what a wonderful day I was missing. I didn't have anything to do so I went to return something to the library. I saw my Japanese friend while I was there. We spent a few minutes trying to talk, but not having anything to talk about. He invited me to hot pot on Saturday. It was a somewhat sour feeling, because I remember he invited me once before when I was a we and perhaps a little more happy. Anyway, when the depression lurks a little closer I can then remember that good thought.
Finally, today happened. It was my first day at my new job. It's a little hard for me to believe I actually took this job, because I feel like I'm at the lowest part of the low-end. Did the guy who hired me realize that I'll quit at any second? It seems like everyone working there will only last a few months tops. I have to wonder though, when I work this full time job will I lose my energy to pursue my dreams? Well, I could have been lazy tonight and not written about my day, but look. Here I am! Writing! I have the feeling that maybe my writing isn't as good as it was before, but my previous writing was a caffeine-induced mess I'm sure. To write before I go to bed is a long-lost tradition for me. My brain is too tired to think of anything cleaver, but perhaps I'm being more honest when I do it like this.
After work I went to see my mom. She was angry with me a little. I didn't see what the point of spoiling our time together would accomplish. All in all it was a nice time. There was free quality pizza and some rhubarb pie. Seeing my brother and his girlfriend together was a little bit disturbing. I went and talked to my old kungfu teacher. I think there will be more of that later. Now I'm at home and distracted by a friend that's over. They are drunk and talking. I would be wise to not be trapped into their conversation. Oh man, I just turned around and said something to them after I typed that. Well, I did some writing. I guess that's all I was going for. And although I've been somewhat distracted, especially here towards the end, I'm only three minutes away from the allotted time for this. YEA!
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