Family First

Some may think that my reason for coming back to my hometown is to be closer to my family. The strange thing about my relationship with my family is that the closer we are physically the farther we are in communication. Since my return almost six months ago I have not spoken or seen many of my cousins who live here. Furthermore, while abroad I made an effort to contact my parents once a week. Now I have not seen them for a while. I was looking forward to having a nice Mother's Day with my mom, but she reminded me that she will be out of town that day. According to what I said earlier then perhaps this is good because she will be farther away. However, I feel like a kind of irony. Coming home and having them leave.

Anyway, yesterday was a very sad day. I had a very hard time in the morning, possibly because of sleep deprivation. But I was determined to have a positive productive day. The next step I take in my life is a tricky one. Should I wait for the job which aligns with my major? Take any job I can as a first step to build to something more? Or, as I had a strong conviction to do before I arrived, should I look for a way to make my own money? Life will not wait for me to decide. Yesterday, these three option presented themselves to me in varying degrees. Each one is very tempting. And there seems to be no middle ground. If I choose one path then it'll take energy away from another. I will continue to consider these things today.

I was surprised by a phone call yesterday. It was my cousin. He was doing laundry just one block away. So, I went to meet him there. He told me that he wouldn't leave his laundry there because he once had his towels taken from that laundromat. I was happy enough to just visit with him while he did his laundry. Usually he calls me and figures out where I am in my life, but recently I had been calling him to talk to him. Strangely he was too busy or something and didn't call back. Having someone five years older than I gives me a perspective about what to do with my future.

Later on that day I felt very tired and needed to sleep. I probably slept for too long. It was already dark outside and I hadn't eaten dinner. After I ate I read. And during my reading my brother called me. He wanted to come visit. It's somewhat strange. For the past few weeks I hadn't seen anyone in my family and then suddenly today I see my cousin and brother. Those two may be like Yin and Yang. Right now they are in a bad relationship and can't be in the same place at the same time. At other times that have been so inseparable.

It was the first day of my new schedule. I'm trying to be disciplined, but sometimes other people demand time and attention. Today I feel I will do much better to stay on task. Now that I reflect on yesterday it was a good day. Perhaps although according to one perspective I failed looking at it a different way I may have had the best day I could have had.